


A Little Business on the Side

by Kei_LS



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, And punned, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, I sweared, M/M, Poor attempts at humor, Roy Harper and Dick Grayson are my outlet for puns, business setting i guess, like everyone but dick and roy are cameos?, the shit I used to get away with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6902335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kei_LS/pseuds/Kei_LS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of Wayne Enterprise's executives needs a new assistant slash minder. The new hire is more promising than they'd thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Business on the Side

When Roy walks through the doors of Wayne Enterprise he’s not entirely sure what to expect, but being accosted by a young man in a neat black suit with deep blue lines that put’s Roy’s silk red button-up and trim black slacks to shame wasn’t actually on the list. Wayne Enterprise always seemed so structured and strict and dignified, not to mention intimidating, and it was all of those things right up until Roy walked through the door and announced he was here for the new Department secretarial position.

He wasn’t sure what to call Richard John ‘Call-Me-Dick’ Grayson, but strict and intimidating weren’t it five minutes in and dignified wasn’t an option after the first five seconds. He was certainly surprising though, Roy didn’t think he’d ever been greeted with, “ _Hello_ , Walking Sex and Biceps,” before.

“Um, hi? And…thanks?”

“Don’t. It wasn’t a compliment. Well, the biceps are a compliment.” Dick admits, walking fast. He sounds cheery despite the words, and Roy figures his best bet is to follow and try to keep up. Even so, he feels a little compelled to ask.

“Walking Sex isn’t a compliment?”

“No,” Dick answers, and they’ve already taken more turns then he remembers and gone up ten floors through an elevator before Roy realizes he should probably be paying attention. “Sex is a messy and strenuous activity that, while fun, is not the best thing to look like. You look like a mess. A hot mess, mind you, but still messy. Jason won’t care, he’s notorious for looking like Walking Sex, but Tim will give you looks of disappointment and Damian will try to make it grounds for termination.”

“Termination?”

“He’ll try to get you fired.” Dick actually pauses when he catches sight of Roy’s alarmed expression and pats his shoulder comfortingly. “We’re working on it.”

“Right. Who is Damian again?”

“He’s the head of the Department two floors below you. He’s also training for my job, so you probably don’t have to worry. He’s hell bent on ruining me before even bothering with anyone else. It’s a little adorable.”

“Super cute,” Roy deadpans, and then realizes that maybe he shouldn’t be snarking off to the guy who is giving him a quick fire run-down of important names. Dick just laughs though, so he’s pretty sure he’s still in the clear. The next elevator they get into they’re joined by another man that’s dressed just as sharply as Dick, but his suit has deep red lines instead of blue, and he’s wearing what might be a thin gold watch on his wrist.

“Dick, who is this and does Cass know you’re sneaking him into the offices?”

“Tim, this is Jason’s new assistant. I’m not sneaking him anywhere, and if I were I wouldn’t do it where Alfred or Damian could easily catch me. I would instead do it in a very public lobby where Bruce is then forced to deal with the fallout.” There’s a surprising amount of vehemence to Dick’s tone, and like a bolt Roy is struck by the realization that Dick’s odd expression of consideration before Roy announced who he was at the front desk did, in fact, have a hint of intent to debauch.

“Still angry, then,” Tim notes, amused and interested in turns as he gives Roy a closer look. “What did you rate him?”

“Walking Sex,” Dick answers, his faded smile back in place as his apparent good humor is restored.

“Harsh,” Tim replies. “Take-out Make-out seems fairer; it’s mostly the upper half.”

“So I’m deliciously rumpled instead of a hot mess?” Roy asked, torn between deeply amused and horrified. That seems to give them both pause long enough for their floor to be reached and the doors to open to a third dark haired blue-eyed WE terror who gives the other two a cold dismissive look before his eyes lock on Roy and his lip curls in a sneer.

“Ugh, Closet Quickie, have some _shame_.”

“Damian! Don’t insult the help,” Dick scolds, lightly nudging Roy’s shoulder to get him to move.

“Don’t give me orders, Grayson.” Damian demands, some of the clear disdain leaving his tone.

“Don’t disrespect your superiors, Damian.”

“You are _not – ”_

“You don’t have his job yet, Tyrant,” Tim interrupts smoothly stepping out and around the both of them. “Also, Steph is headed your way.”

“I don’t care what _First Date_ wants.” Damian mutters, loud enough for a young woman wearing a black pencil skirt and deep purple button-up dress shirt with ruffles decorating the neck-line and cuffs to hear. Steph raises a thin, unimpressed eyebrow and tucks a strand of blond hair behind her ear, the rest of it wrapped up in a messy bun.

“Please, I am at least Third Date and a Goddamn Flower. Also, you do care, because the meeting with Wilkes is starting in ten minutes, and I’m here to keep people out of the war path you cause by breathing. So let’s go.” Damian sniffs at that, head tilting up and to the side in physical dismissal that Roy didn’t think actually happened in real life, before he clicks his tongue against his teeth in a _–tt–_ sound before he’s following her away.

“See?” Dick asks, grinning after them. “Adorable.” Tim rolls his eyes and flaps a hand at them before he too takes off and then Roy is following Dick again, all the way to the end of the hall to stop in front of a dark red oak door with the name _Jason P. Todd_ inscribed on a plaque. Dick knocks rapidly twice, flings the door open and pushes Roy inside before following. Roy feels distinctly like a shield.

The man sitting at the desk is ridiculously hot, messy black hair streaked with a line of white and blue-green eyes that are glaring down at a touchpad sitting innocently on his desk with an intensity that dries out Roy’s throat. He’s not wearing a suit, exactly. He has a black suit jacket on that’s been left open revealing a burgundy shirt underneath.

“I don’t give a _shit!_ You’re going to get me that fucking deal, or I’m not even going to bother wasting Cain’s time with your sorry ass I’m going to murder you _myself_. Fucking do it!” Jason snarls standing and dropping his phone on the desk before he’s moving toward the far wall and tracing the spine of various books with his finger. And, in the process, revealing the very tight black jeans that might fit in just as well in a club he’d decided to don.

“Jason, we’re not supposed to make death threats anymore. It’s a bad influence for Damian,” Dick scolds from over Roy’s shoulder. Jason doesn’t even glance at them.

“What do you want, Sloppy Seconds, I’m busy.”

“Really,” Dick whines, “Sloppy Seconds? I’m gorgeous and I brought you a present.” Jason makes an absent-minded grunt when he finds what he’s looking for and moves to drop it back on his desk, eyes flicking over to them before catching on Roy and narrowing. “Boss says you have to keep him for at least seven months.”

“Fine, I’m sure I can find something for him to do. Take a seat – Dick get out.” Dick doesn’t waste time and for a long moment Roy and Jason just stare at each other before Roy starts to grin and saunter closer.

“How long until they figure out we’re dating?”

“I dunno, but they won’t fire you.”

“You keep saying that and I’m not sure I believe you. Mr. Wayne was making the fraternization policy very clear in my interview last week.”

“Pfft, that’s because Dick is an actual piece of shit and unrepentantly flirts with everything that moves around him when Bruce pisses him off. He’s been at it for a week, now. Besides, I’m an exceptionally hard case, so they’ll take whatever reprieves they can get.”

“I’ll make you exceptionally hard.”

“Ow. Did that hurt for you? I think my brain is bleeding.”

“I’ll make your brain bleed.”

“That – what? That doesn’t even – Roy, that doesn’t even make sense. What?”

“Come on. Let me fill your head with all sorts of blood.”

“Oh my god, you are not getting away with this. Is it too late to dump your ass? Jesus what the actual fuck.”

“ _Jason_ ,”

“No. No, you don’t get any of me until you fall on your knees and repent.”

“Kinky, I like it. Want me to worship you, Jay?”

“Get the fuck out.”

“I’m trying but you’re not making it easy.”

“I will throw you out of my window.”

“I’d rather be thrown against the – ”

Dick backs away from the door slowly, giant grin spreading across his face as he raises his phone to his ear.

“Hey, Bruce? Yeah, I don’t think we have to worry. The new guy? He’s got things…handled.”

_“If you’re sure…Dick? Dick, why are you laughing?”_


End file.
